“We come to love not by finding the perfect person,
but loving an imperfect person perfectly”
Anonymous
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| image courtesy of facebook |
A common theme in our discussions at The Light Tree is wondering why we spend so much of our time and energy projecting our unmet needs and uncomfortable feelings onto others. It’s as if by blaming or finding fault outside ourselves, we distance ourselves from hurt and find some kind of temporary relief.
Before we know it, the sick
feeling comes around again. Instead of pushing it away and imagining it’s the
fault of someone ‘out there’ why don’t we spend a bit more time getting to know
it? After all, it shows up often enough. Everyone has feelings of fear, anger,
hurt, loneliness and betrayal they just want to get rid of so they can be happy
and return to peace. Its not a secret.
Quite often we are ashamed
of these feelings because we judge ourselves harshly for having them in the
first place. Until then, our bodies are like pyjamas we sleep in until we start
to awaken from our dreams and illusions. What we resist persists, so pushing
them far away, onto others or situations we don’t like just make them hang
around even longer.
For example, if we have
uneasy sensations when we spend time alone, we might sit with the feeling,
instead of finding something ‘to do’. Keeping busy just makes us avoid the
situation even longer, only to return another day. We have found that deep
feelings of dissatisfaction stem from judgements about what appears within our
realm of experience. If we are honest with ourselves we are holding all sorts
of grievances about some of the people and events that show up around us. Deep
looking reveals they are all projections of our mind that arise to distract us.
When we take time to sit, many of our grievances expose themselves. It can be helpful to forgive them and let them go. “Let all my grievances be transformed into miracles” is a great way to bless them on their way out. It is likely that we have been listening to our ego and its eternal list of complaints, instead of resting in our True Self and trusting that what we need comes to us.
We can be sure that our ego
is losing its grip is when we stop wanting advice and feedback from others. We
don’t want to be taught. We don’t want our bullshit complaints to be validated.
This only gives them permission to stick around for another ride. Rather, we
can sit and honestly and ask Spirit, our true self, to show us what we need to
know. It’s great to share our insights, but not so that they can be judged to
be especially good, or especially bad. Just the practice of going to our own
pure inner guidance whenever we feel a disturbance is all we need to do.